Man,woman or child?

Akank concluded it is easiest being the 12 yo at home. Not the husband or the wife.

She overheard a conversation between us- her dad who has been out of town for over a week now and me. In the week that he has been away, our pet dog has fallen sick, and Akank has had two visits to the dentist for an imminent braces job. Obviously, her dad feels awful that he has not been around when he was needed the most (his opinion) and he feels better when he is updated on phone. Akank has quietly been observing our long conversations over the week and finally popped this question last night – “Ma, is it a tough job to be the wife in a relationship?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer the question and so I said that being the wife isn’t a job, it is a role you play in a relationship after one is married. She looked up at me with an expression that said, ‘I know it is a role‘  and she further probed with ” My question was if it is easier to be the wife or is it easier to be the husband in a relationship “.

I knew she was out to nail me. She is close to her dad and if I said my job as the wife was tough, there would be some discussions when her father got home! Instead I turned the question on to her and asked her to answer it herself. She came back with a ‘ Ma, I have barely known you guys for 12 years. So I wouldn’t possibly know the answer to that question!’

I was not going to give up easily. I insisted that she evaluate the roles from what she has observed for the period she has known us. I also reminded her that there were several other husband wife couples that she knew and that was enough to make a fair judgement with her limited years of existence. She was in a spot now or so I thought.

“Well”, she began like she often begins her sentences now, ” The wife gets to stay home and keep house, sleep whenever she wants and boss around the children when they get home”. While I was busy frowning, she continued, ” while the husband gets to eat out, travel and sit in air conditioned rooms at work while the wife sweats it out in the kitchen” and before I could say anything, she closed with “so the conclusion I draw is that the best role to play in a family is that of being a 12 year old”.

 

The party is over.

Conversations

‘Ma, is there a rule that only Caucasians have to party to bring in the new year’ asked Akank last night as we sat down to dinner at home, on New Year’s eve. We had discussed this a few times before but nevertheless, Akank has her way of bringing up the topic with the hope that she could exasperate us into taking her out to one. She also knows what the answer is going to be and she knows the next thing to say to you when you finish saying what she predicts you will say. So the conversation last evening went like this:

Me-  Akank, it is not like we have never taken you out for a New Year’s eve party.

Akank – Then, why aren’t we doing that anymore!

Me- You will get your chance to party when you are older.

Akank – But, I have been out to party when I was way younger than now.

Me- Well, that was because we were young and went to parties with friends and we took you along.

Akank- You are not so old that you have to stop partying! You are barely in your 40′s and Appa is not even 50 till next year!

I don’t answer this one. I already told you that we have done this many times before and I know what comes next. So, I just ignore her comment and busy myself with what I was doing. Akank pauses for a while and then mutters: Now, I have to wait to be 14 to party!

That caught my attention and I quickly commented that she got the year all wrong. She doesn’t become an adult till she is 18, I reminded her. What she said next is what has changed about this generation – Ma, are you going to control my life till I turn 18?

That made me sit up. Is that what it is called now?

Taking care of your daughter is control?

Keeping tabs on who your daughter hangs out with when she is not at school is control?

Making sure she has her school diary updated and all school work complete is control?

Feeding your child a healthy balanced diet that takes care of her growing years is control?

Making sure she respects everyone she interacts with and correcting her when she does not is control?

I had to make a conscious effort not to show any emotion in my next question to her. I wanted to know what she really meant. I asked her if she thought I was controlling her life now. After a moments hesitation, she said ‘Sometimes’.